Is having/doing something excessively yay or nay? =O

Somehow, I keep confusing myself....

First of all, is work out...
I told my brother few days ago, I felt like im training too much on my body, and it makes me look dam ugly when I take photo with my friends. Do you guys think so too? Should I stop training that hard? But it is my goal to reach a level that I feel is enough. But I have been training for 4 years, I can't stop and I can't control... 1 of my friend told me that, I can concentrate doing something I really like. Yes, I dont deny that, for what I feel is worth for, I will do it..

Love...
Is giving too much love on somebody, will turn out to be a hatred by the person? Yeah maybe love and care is 2 different things, but there is love, we would care more.... Same goes to when we giving too much care, it will turn out love? Duh... I am the person that will care so much on my partner if I have one, love her to bits! But, will I scare her off? I know what is call balancing, somehow, sometimes, I just can't control...

Money?
Do you think have excessive money is good or bad? for me, I would just like to have comfortable life, not much or too little money. Having too much of money bringing us the risk that being kidnap? lol! Having too little of money will bring us lot of trouble as well...but most of the people say that more money is better than less. Well, I do agree with that. We should save our money for emergency period. Like how we always say, prepare an umbrella before rain.

Friends =)
I would like to have more and more friends, because the more friends I have, the more thing I would explore. Like how we communicate with different people, how to behave when facing different people, how we manage our time for each and every friends. Well, I couldn't say that i have lot of friends, but the friends I'm having now, is rather satisfying because all are good friends of mine! well, of course there are some "fubu" (learnt from my friend) which try to take advantage on me! >=l

FOOD!
For sure, food I would like to have lot of it. My mom and my brother used to call me the "rubbish bin" because I wont full after any meal. I will still keep on munching other thing after my proper meal. But of course la, my digestion system is good, so I don't get fat easily (I hope so), and I work fucking hard in gym ok?! =p so if you love food, some gym with me, so you can eat as much as you want heheheeheheheh

Knowledge <.<
Who doesn't want their knowledge to be wide as the sky or like the space?
Living everyday, from the moment i open my eyes from my sleep in the morning, its a brand new day for me to learn something new. While I drive, work, walk, talk, everything I do, I learn something new. For example, maybe the way I drive today is reckless and nearly cause an accident, I might be afraid and learn from it! (choi choi choi)! So I dont mind I get something share by anyone, unless is really rubbish =p

Our life are short, I always don't know what would happen on me tomorrow. Or maybe when I was asleep. Maybe I cant even wake up from my sleep tonight...well, to every friends of mine, I really love you all. Maybe the way I show it, might be different. Whatever things I have done that made you angry, I seek for apologize from you! Its gonna be a brand new year, lets forget about the past story, and start a new one aight?! ^_^

What does your mama used to tell you the "lame" lies when you were young?

So do you guys remember what your mama used to tell you in order to make you scared or trying to avoid you to do something when you were young?

Yes, my mom did. Plenty of it.

1.) Don't you ever keep laughing at night, or else you gonna get a very bad nightmare until you can't sleep.
 - So mama, is it real?! I used to laugh a lot with my friends during tea season and I never have bad nightmare!

2.) Don't you ever go out and walk alone in the dark, or else "indian bad guy" gonna come and catch you and sell you to others!
- ow my gosh! this is the most scariest thing when I was a child. Back then, me and my cousin just stay 1 door away from each other, we like to play together but I always can't get down to the playground and play with them because I'm afraid of the "bad indian" guy. Mama, you are soooooo racist back then la!

3.) NEVER RUN OR JUMP AROUND AFTER EATING! I doubt that every mom will that you that you will get appendix if you do hardcore activities after your meal right? Even until now, there is still such bad bad information spreading around! WRONG! My sis is a doctor, everyone got appendix, it will only inflame if you are bad luck, so everyone has the chance to get it and have to take it out. But not jumping or running around after eating. Well, even it is scientific proof that, I'm still afraid and don't really dare to move around after eating. =x

4.) Finish up every single "rice" on your plate or else you gonna get an ugly wife full with pimples on her face!
yeah MOM....I should have polish up my plate back then because the pimples never grow on my wife face, but is on my face...I'm really sad of that XD

5.) This 1 is out of topic, I used to watch tom n jerry with my sis. And there is 1 episode saying tom chasing jerry and suddenly hit by a cupboard and it dies. Then it fly up to the heaven and met some angel saying that Tom must do something nice to jerry or else he will go to hell. It was the most scariest episode i ever watch and my sis told me that, if you tell lies in life, you gonna go to hell as well... So I was so afraid to go to hell because the tom n jerry show shows me that hell is so scary and everything is in red color, fire burning place!

I was a very coward kid last time, my dad told me that I'm even afraid of a tree leaves moving because of the strong wind and I will cry the hell out of there. Do I really look so coward? I tent to be very good boy at home, do and don't do whatever my parents told me to. Maybe because of that, I'm lack of exploration in everything.

My University friends have cheated in their exam during their secondary school, even skip their class in normal day. But, I never did any of it before. When they talk about it, how they cheat and laugh there, I have nothing to share. Is this good or bad? No matter how tired am I, I will still wake up every morning to go to school. Never even giving any excuse, I just don't know why. Maybe I'm really a coward.

Do you guys have any lies that told by your mom when you were young? You can share it with me by comment in my post. I just can't think of any of it right now, but I will update it once I have it. Cheers guys! =D

We choose the tough life, not the tough life choose us. Dont swine here and there like an attention seeker.

I remember my mom used to told me when me and my brother were young, she said "if you don't study hard now, you can't earn big money, can't work like daddy that earn so much money". And I feel very annoy when she started to say all these again and again every time with the same story.

I just realized, if we really never study hard, without the knowledge, without the cert, who gonna hire us in the workplace? how do we survive in the society? So this linked to my topic, we choose what we want, not the things come to us and we force to accept it. I have some close friends in my life, one of them has a girlfriend, which we all feel she is not really a good girlfriend, same as my friend, he might not be a good boyfriend. Every time see they argue, then the girl will be drama queen post some shit shoutout in facebook to seek for attention, or will come and talk to me and trash talk about her boyfriend. Is this really you want? If you hate him that much, why dont just leave him? Dont you feel tired of such life? repeating the same shit again and again and put people who are not related involved in. Get a life man seriously.

I have this thought in my mind as the tough life never choose us. So what for I want to live in a life that is so unhappy? keep on making myself down, stressing over something that is not worth stress for. People who dont appreciate us, they will just leave us in our life. So we do. Friends come and go, we can choose which to let them stay longer in our life, some are just using us as they can get benefit from us, this is what we call 'fuck buddy'. Hell yeah. I have plenty of them.

Back to the title, that linked to my studies of my professional paper, I know degree are very common now on the street. Any finger we point at, there is a degree holder on the street fighting for the work vacancy with us. Hence, is this really I should just stop here with my degree cert? I dont think so, I might feel easy and free if I dont take the paper, but what about another 20 years later? With that much of experience, but with so many junior come out with their professional cert, they can easily climb up on me.

Few days ago I went out to do audit with my senior, he has been working in my firm for almost 10 years. He has lot of things that he shared with me, about life, work. I have asked him some question about study as well, he has the same thinking, accountants are getting more and more nowadays, so what if we have a degree cert. He says  after he got his professional body cert, he go on with another course which is related to accounting, that is tax consultant, this makes him a little bit special compare with other accountants. He told me that, he doesnt want others to drag his life, as he says if he leave his company, at least he is still special and wouldnt die out there.

Know what you do, dont regret with it, because you choose it.

A special Post for you...Just for you...

Its nearly a year we broke up...a 4 years relationship is not a easy path for both of us, sweet, spicy, sour...every flavor we tasted while we held each other hand and walk together...

Remember 5 years ago, we knew each other in an online game call maple story, we were just friends and share feeling and have fun in the game together with some other friends. We never met each other in real life, but the game brought us into the gaming life like a real world we can really stay inside the game for very long...I remember you were the one come near me, talked to me, and stay close to me...from that moment onward, we get closer and planned to meet each other when you coming down to KL to further your studies...

Our first met was in Midvalley, I remember you were a chubby girl, which have no confident at all. But I don't mind at all, I held your hand and hug you when we first met, you were not feeling well that day as well, your family went to shopping and left you alone in the hotel to rest. I bring you to meet my sis, mom and my bro to have dinner together. But you were too shy to eat, and wanted to buy pretzel to eat instead.

Along the 4 years, we love, we fight, we argue, we cried, we do almost everything together...but sometimes distance, my emotion, my childish thought make our relationship runs down. But we manage to save it, carried on with laughter, love each other even more...You have taught me to be a better person, a person with better manners, to control my emotion, feeling...and many more...

I remember I was the one get very excited with the monthsarry, not to celebrate, but just spend the whole day together, no matter doing what, just by your side, I would feel very happy. Do you even remember what we always fight for? What we laugh for? What we talked? Well, flipping the pictures of us in my laptop, just bring up lot of memories of us...

Sometimes places I go, the song i listen, the things I do or even some people I saw on the road that look like you, you just come across my mind...Not saying that I can't let go of you, but you were used to be so important to me. Whatever I do, You will just come before anything. About future, about studies...I will put you on the first place...

I might not be anyone for you right now, you never reply my message when I sent you one. You have found your new love, I just really hope he will treat you better than I do, love you even more than I do...

Even though you won't see this post, but I just wanted to tell you that, sometimes I miss you. Miss your smile, your kiss, your hugs, your cuddle...just everything...no matter you see this post after a year, 5 years, 10 years or maybe after 20 years...I hope you will always remember me, the one that love and care for you so much, even the time I have sacrificed for you, just to see your smile...Promise me, you are really a good girl. Don't hurt the other guy like how you did it to me...It is hard to let go a person that I really love...it took me nearly a year just to let you go in my heart...I hope he will be the one and only one, to be with you forever...

I still cry everytime I play this video, the song you play for me in piano...

You were such a lovely girl...

Enclose this post with the pictures that I took with you for our last celebration of your monthsarry that near 4 years...

Longest talk with someone that I don't really close with me

Obviously, I'm seriously down after I got my result for my CPA (Professional paper) after the second try. I failed again.... Lot of things came into my mind, sitting alone in my place in office, storming whether I should continue with this paper, whether I should find someone to talk to, whether I should stop, and more and more things come in again, time, money, effort.....

I messaged to some friends that I really close to, some ask me don't give up, just try again...
Some asked me whether I'm really into accounting path...
Some asked me stop without a second thinking...
My head just gonna crack after having all the feedback....I just don't know how to tell my parents...my family..I feel so shame....They might think that I never work hard enough for something so important, but do they really know how much effort I had put in?
So I decided to talk to my boss, my younger boss, his name is Alvin ( I used to call him Alvin and the chipmunks among my colleagues - because he is short and cute hahaha, not really cute though).

I have sent him email to ask whether he is free after working hour, he replied with yes and he is very happy to do so...

After working hours and everyone has left the office, I just take a chair and sit beside him...just tell him I got my result, fail, feel very down, don't know what should I do after this...
He just started to talk with me, asking whether the study method I'm using is correct, strategies when I'm doing my exam...and he start telling me how he did his CPA paper last time as well...

So come to a point that I ask him is CPA holder really important in society today. He gave me 2 example...
1. working in small-medium firm like what I'm in, experience is totally more important than education, he told me that a senior that is working in my firm for nearly 20 years has no qualification, but he says that senior meant a lot to the firm, because of her experience.
2. working in commercial line, education is important. Lets say you have so so so so much experience in audit field, you get out from the firm and go to commercial line, with your experience, when there is promotion, people who has the qualification definitely will beat your ass up. BECAUSE YOUR EXPERIENCE WOULD NOT APPRECIATE BY OTHERS IN OUTSIDE WORLD. When this came out from his mouth, it seriously hit me dam hard.

He said that, "if I tell you education is not important, I am lying to you". He says CPA is expensive, but you can earn your money back. He told me that come to some point, someone out there will surely appreciate your knowledge and give you a good offer. He says im still very very very young, I can try again again and again...

I felt that what my boss told me is right, the world out there is materialistic. I shouldn't give up on a thing that failed me twice so easily. I will work harder for it. Set my strategies when I'm going for exam, study smart!

Thanks Alvin!

When someone that meant nothing to you just crash everyone happiness

Yesterday was my best buddy, KC graduation convo, his family and his girlfriend were there very early for his preparation and me and my another close buddy, Kit with his girl went for lunch before going to his school.

We were all happy, snapping pictures after his graduation speech, taking picture while we walking, snapping picture with all the flowers that his girlfriend bought for him, I can see everyone has their smile on their face. Of course, my friend has lost his mother since he was young, I can see his father was proud and happy with his son with the square hat on.

When we reach a spot, there is lot of people queuing to wait for the spot to take picture as shown in the 3rd picture,  instead of wasting time to queue up together there, so I ask Kit and his girlfriend to queue up first and I help kc to snap some pictures with his family around the place. So, after 10 - 15 minutes of waiting, its our turn so everyone of us just go to the place to take our turn to take the picture. Then, SUDDENLY, so fella that he think he outsmart everyone shout at us (he is the one behind us in our queue with his family), he just shout at us with "oi, do you know how to queue? the line is at the back, not here, please go queue up, do you have the eye to see where is the queue?!".

Ok, I know Kit and his girlfriend surely will be get frustrated with this fella because they are the 1 queuing for all of us. So, his girlfriend started to throwing angry word with the fella. I just keep calm myself down as I know I will be very angry if i started to talk. I just ask the fella to chill out, everyone is waiting, and we are not cutting queue as well. He never listen, and keep trashing on me. Since then, my temperature is getting high. So I just tell him to behave like one graduated student, he then say 'ok ok ok, just go just go, take your picture'. So I chill everyone out but Kit's girlfriend still scolding, I ask everyone to sit nicely and take picture for them. While I'm leaving, I say tell him "this is what TARC student and Im thinking to throw more trash, but I'm afraid I will hurt somebody with my word. So I just say "shame on you".

After approximately 20minutes, we are leaving the place, the fella saw me and come near to me with his hand on my shoulder saying, ''bro bro, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding just now, you dont talk, you let me talk''. So I just let him finish his word and I just forgive him with a hand shake.

For me, if you are a person scold me for no reason, I definitely wouldnt give a face for you. I hate people accuse me for nothing and act like you are dam smart among everyone. I hope my friend and his family emotion doesnt get affected by the fella. Afterall, all the pictures I snap for them are quite nice. I dont really appear in all the pictures as I'm the camera man on that day. 

Last but not least, HAPPY GRADUATION KC MY BRADA!

Back in Year 2009, I was a skinny boy, can't catch any attention of anyone in the eyes

I don't know why, back in year 2009, around November, suddenly just hit my mind and push me to the gym. I was curious with the protein powder, how they work, will it harm my body if i take it, so I asked around together with my sis's friend about protein powder and how it work. So I was introduced by her friend of a brand of nutrition, call GNC. So, I bought a big 1 and started to work out with no guidance in the gym, everything started from 0. I hit the gym nearly everyday, doing the same part everyday, lifting like I'm dam strong in the gym ( I was a fella that are quite like to show off). Here is my picture before I started to gym and everything...please dont laugh ._.

face full with pimple, no confident in myself anytime and everywhere I go.

Some uncle in the gym used to tell me, "don't simply lift the weight like that, it will hurt your back anytime". Obviously, I never really listen to them, I just do what I feel is right, I saw lot of teenager with nice body, showing off their body in gym that time, it is 1 of the reason I keep push myself to go to the gym everyday. With the protein powder I take, after 3 months of training, I can slowly see my chest got some result, I feel quite cool and my brother feel interested with it also, he also slowly go to the gym with me, but not that hardcore. So i try harder, and this is the picture of me after half year of training...approximately...(I never really remember the date when i took all these picture..

can see the shape, because I never take care of my diet, just protein helping me with building up the muscle

During the time, I used to take medicine to control my hormone for my face, and take protein powder at the same time, so my pimple is under control, but after i stop taking the med, my pimple keep coming out again, consult doctor and he advice me that the powder causes it. I remember he told me, "what for you wanna train so big, you want to compete in Mr. Malaysia issit". Im so duhhhhhhh after he said that on my face...About one and half year of protein help, I stop taking it...this is the pic after 2 years of training...It sound very fast right? Well...continue reading, and you will know my story...

This is the picture after i stop protein not long ago, my body was so tonned and all the shape is quite good.

During the year 2012, is my worst year ever, I hurt my wrist, snapp the dam thing during my workout, and I thought is a small matter, went back to the gym to workout after 2 weeks, snap again. Went to consult specialist, he told me that my ligament was torn. Deep depression that time, only go to gym with my Uni friend for treatmill, helping them for their workout, I feel very very down during the time, seeing my body shape getting worst everyday...show you whats the different during that time and the previous picture...

can see my belly stomach coming out? But i think positively, I treat it as my bulking period, I told myself Im gonna push myself dam hard after i fully recover

Once my wrist was fine, I'm back to gym again, I bought 2 big pack of protein powder again, to help me with my workout even though I know its not good for my face, but I just can't wait to build back up my body. I was kinda curious and nervous person, in short, I'm an impatient person. Push so so so hard everyday, and I got injury at my elbow again, I was like CRAP! NOT AGAIN!

I feel like quitting gym since I keep injuring myself, and the feel is so fucking shit seriously. I was wondering, is workout suit me after years of training, I still get injured. I got my wrist, elbow, back of my neck, lower back and both thigh injured. feel like Im really a useless shit.

But then, in year 2013, I do everything slow and steady, slowly build up my strength with help of my brother and friends in gym.

This is the pic I got it after my lower back and both thigh was fully recovered.

These few days, lot of uncles and friends keep praising me, "wow your body is getting nicer, now look great, can go compete with mr muscle already''. I just have my smile and thanks them.

Actually, people might think that Im showing off in gym, but this is how i train in gym, always focus with my workout with earphone in my ear!

Sorry for my long post of my workout life, but I just wanted to share that, the result I get today, doesn't come easily, some people that are younger than me, come across me during the 4 years of my workout life, and they thought I did all it easily, they saw my body, and praise Im good enough, doesnt need so much workout already.

No matter I'm sad, happy or what, I still will step into gym to hit the shit out of the metal. I feel it is a MUST for me in my daily life. So, actually what you are doing in your daily life is what you really like, or it is a daily routine for you? for me, i started gym as my daily routine, and slowly, I get used with it, and i fall in love with it. I used to watch lot of motivation videos by those really muscular guy, their thoughts and their motivation quote. So, do you really like what you doing everyday?

I hope my workout don't just stop right here, I hope to get a better body and of course a healthier body, you might think my body is not that great, and I know it too, so i set myself a target, before Chinese New Year of 2014, I wanted to reach at least 75kgs of body weight with 15% of body fat in my body only!

By setting a target, I will push even harder! to everyone out there to get a better and healthier body condition, feel free to ask me out for a jog or workout together, I really enjoy doing that with friends!

I cried again...ever since i broke up with my ex starting of this year...back to the square one..

^{散落在髮絲間}

^{陽光 輕吻般柔和}

^{思念也靜靜的 吹動風車}

^{那一年的初夏}

^{也是 在這個時刻}

^{轉頭見你的微笑開在左側}

^{有那麼多的銘刻 有那麼多的不捨}

^{卻還未發現}

^{其實淚水不曾乾涸}

^{有那麼多的快樂 有那麼多的苦澀}

^{卻還不懂得 其實我是最又深深的愛著}

^{十年後的我 可還記得}

^{一起笑鬧胡亂哼的那首歌}

^{會不會後悔 有些選擇}

^{一起發現有什麼不見了}

^{十年後的我 可還在這}

^{還會在 掩飾對你的思念嗎}

^{當我又一次 抬起頭時}

^{天空可 還是喜歡的顏色}

^{I have been keeping myself quiet these few days...
but today I got a message from her in facebook,sending me a song which is in chinese version,}

<sup>listened to it, with the lyric on...
I cried again...

Why am I so weak, I thought I can be tough, I would be stronger after times of falling down...but im not...i cant...</sup>

Process of BATMAN-wanna be -.-

While I'm surfing online with my phone in bed some day back in 18th of November 2013, i saw a post that a fella in oversea actually make a 3D batman origami with paper! It makes me feel wow and a thought suddenly hit my mind that I wanna make it for the girl that I feel she mean a lot to me. So, I travel here and there to get the paper with colour to start with my work. At the same thing, Im thinking whether Im stupid enough to make that for her, maybe she wont like it as her favorite character is not batman, so I did some research about ultraman (which she loves it so much), and i noticed that ultraman has only 1 common colour which is grey and it wont bring the art work look so pretty. So i insist with my batman plan and start cutting the A4 paper (because shop are no longer selling ready made origami paper/maybe I cant find it), pieces by pieces i cut it and start folding it.

I started the work since 19th of Nov, after my working hour and gym, once finished dinner everyday then i start to sit on my table to concentrate with the work until 12am or 1am, so everyday when Im back to office, I will be like zombie and fishing xD (better dont get caught by my boss) ><!

Along the work, I found out something about myself. The foundation of the batman body and the head is toughest part for me to do it, i actually get frustrated with it and nearly give up. But i always remember, whatever thing we do in our life, foundation of the thing is the most important. We learn to walk, then run, speak, writing, study, and of course a lot more in our life. Everything should be start with foundation, and we enhance it with better improvement. Same as what Im doing in the art work of batman, if I dont start with the foundation, I will never get the result. So I slowly control myself and continue it.

Apart from that, I also found out that, doing things for the person I really love, is really an enjoyment. I really enjoy the process of cutting the paper, fold it into pieces and put it in slowly to build the shape and come out with the result. Even though it takes quite of my effort and time, I dont feel its a waste. What i feel annoyed is, everyday when my dad come back from work, he see what im doing, he will ask me "you are too free'? continuously for few days, and also my mom and sis keep asking me issit i made that for them. I ignore them (am i too bad?) hahah!

I'm thinking to give this to her as my Christmas present this year, but it is still too far behind, so I decided to give it to her this sunday(which is today), so I rush my work for whole day after my hiking with them on saturday. I sit here, REALLY SIT THERE from 1030am until 630pm, without lunch, only water and toilet visit for few times! I never been so serious even Im studying/revising =/

I think this is after 3 days working on it, I already felt quite happy with it =D

When the head and body is full settled, I stick them together with PVC glue, I remember Im so nervous searching for brush to use for the glue, but I really FAILED to find a brush in my house -.-.....after few minutes of thinking, I think of using cotton butt, and it works quite well. thanks god =D

Cutting out the batman logo, hands and also the cape for batman, and its actually quite late already, my sis and mom keep coming in my room to see my batman and they keep praising my work, I feel very happy and at the same time that I hope she will be that happy and surprise when I give this to her. My sis by putting papers as background, and keep taking pic of it for so dam long -.- She manage to get a few nice shot, yeah thanks you SIS! =p

how you guys think of it? will you feel touch if somebody make this for you? (hahaha syok sendiri) -.-

So on sunday that day, before she going out with her friends, I pass this to her. I dont know what should i tell her about why i make this for her, and she just woke up that time,blurr face of her make me nothing coming out from my mouth. I just hope she would likes it. I really happy that I manage to get this done! ^_^

p/s: so what do you guys think of this batman? does it look like batman? i personally feel its a fat, short with short leg batman >.<

- anyone interested to make one for your love one too, feel free to ask me about the measurement of the body and the head. im willing to help hehe =)

What actually really grinds your ears?

Just have a random thought today when I finished my gym today and walk into the men bathroom, and saw a little kid that just finished his swim and holding a polystyrene thingy that help him to float in the pool. and he start scratching it with his fingers and it really HURT MY DAM EAR ALOT! all my goosebumps come up and i feel annoying with the sound!

So what sound that really irritate you? some hate the sound of using fingernail to scratch the blackboard, the sound of folk and spoon scratch together, or anything you can think of?

I remember when I was young, my dad always bring me and my sis to go swim, and she always do that infront of me! ARGH! until now, im still feel very irritate with it. Talk about when me and my sis were young, we used to fight, and all my relatives say that me and sis would not get along very well once we grown up. But we prove them wrong, we get very well now and we share everything (not really everything), but still we laugh at each other, scolding each other EVERYDAY! remember when she bullied my last time, my only way to defend myself is to pull her hair hard and all her hair being pulled by me! lol. Last time when we were still staying in penang, we will visit to kl and stay in kl for few weeks. That time me and her used to sleep together, and we always cry together because we argue with each other before we going to bed and then sayang each other after that, then hug each other. Whenever we heard the sound of lizard, we were so scared also! seriously very LOL

Alright back to the sound that irritate you! My ex-gf knew that I hate that sound as well, she always do that infront of me whenever she has the chance. So I will always boink her! >=(.

So, what sound that really grinds your ear? dont mind sharing with me so I can kacau (disturb) you next time =P

sorry for my bad english, I never really filter this out because im too busy with some work! CHEERS!~

How people actually see it in different perception?

Well today, I was quite bored some time in my office because my boss is not around and I'm day dreaming about I have been working here for nearly 12 months. When I just came into this work force, I'm kinda afraid that I couldn't make any friends like how I do in my study time while I'm in college or university. Well everyone knows that there are different culture in different workplace, this is what I'm most afraid that I couldn't merge with other colleagues.

At the very first day, I stepped into the office and I feel lot of weird "eyes" looking at me and its kinda annoy me, and all of them give me a feel that I'm not really welcome to join here. So I was placed to sit in the most front where my seat can be see by everyone who walk by, and luckily there is one colleague that is quite kind sitting beside me, his name is Sim and another girl sitting behind him is call Rainie. Well, anything I don't know, I will just ask them as I have no working experience in this field at all. Slowly, I was organised by my boss to field audit with some senior. During the time, they shared lot of things to me, about the work, about the boss, anything that they could just talk. And I found that its not that bad because I can really make friends there.

So after I get quite well along in the office, I have talk and laugh a lot when I'm working. Well, maybe my laughter and my voice is too loud until somebody complain about me. Since I'm a person that like to share my daily things to people around me, at the same time I offended people there because I'm talking too loud(this is what they think, I'm just using my normal tone to communicate with my colleague). I was asked to move once to another side because there is someone leaving the company, I rejected and I thought it will be fine. Few months later, another colleague is leaving and the boss again ask me whether I want to move there. At first, I say no, but he ask me to go into the meeting room and he had a talk with me. (talking all the bull shit and all). So, I just decided to move there (and in my mind, I think that it might be great because I can be independent there).

On the day itself, I feel very down because I have to leave the seat where those close colleague can no longer chit chating during work time. I kept quiet all day (well, I always be quiet whenever i feel moody or sad). But senior around my new place are very nice, all welcome me a lot and talk even more to me. So I feel, instead of staying there, I can make more close friends with other colleagues and also I can be independent (1 stone kill 2 birdies!) =p

Well, everyday after our lunch, I will still walk to my old seat and hang out with colleagues, sometimes they will say something like" ehh, why are you still here, this is your old seat, you shouldn't come here anymore", I know they are just joking, but I still feel sad and feel sour in my heart.

What my thought about today is that, people might resist to change when they are used to something and feel comfortable. But, every changes might not be a bad thing, as we can get to know more things in the new change and also maybe we might found that we get more comfort there? So why do we need to be upset over something that suddenly hit us hard in our life? Well, temporally emo is normal, well every human have feelings, so I rather choose the bright side to look at it and move on. (but sometimes, something I couldn't really do that even though I have the thinking). I always see people quoting "try to put yourself in my shoe", so I have the perception that, what if I have a colleague that is so talkative and disturb me when I'm working, I might get very frustrated as well. Hence, I shouldn't angry at the person who complaint about me, I should thanks the person giving me the chance to enhance on my own work and maybe, I can get better experience and it might be useful in future? lol syok sendiri again.

To finish up my blog today, here is a pic I stole from my friend in instagram =p

Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball is actually singing out her own heart feeling and her life, everyone keep complaining that her video mv sucks and it looks like porn. What if you are in her shoe, can you really take it and control it nicely like how she did it? She is just singing out her own feeling to tell everyone that she has a tough life. Dont judge anyone if you dont know any shit about them!

HIKING IN GUNUNG NUANG- highest mountain in Selangor ( the most extreme thing i ever done in 2013/ maybe in my life)

So currently, I get to know a friend from the girl that has been quite close to me. So, she come up with the idea that to go for a hike in Gunung Nuang, because to train up their stamina for their next year Mount KK hiking. So, I have agree and give it a try together with them as I'm quite like outdoor activity also.

I woke up at 4am in the morning to prepare my breakfast and everything because I know its gonna be like 12hours in the mountain without toilet, food and everything! its gonna be trees, river, animals and blah blah blah....so I leave my house around 445am, and great, first move, and i hit my dam car on another double parked car...thats a great luck isnt it?

There you go, I have been protecting this dam car for almost 3 years, and this happen! GAH!

After fetching all of them, with GPS on and we start our journey to meet the group of people who created this meetup for the hiking. We turned into wrong area as I was confused by the GPS and it add on more pressure on me because if we dont reach on time, the group gonna leave and start their hiking. So i drive faster and luckily we just late for 5 minutes and the group is there discussing and waiting for people who havent arrive. We get our name card once we arrived and all of us start moving to the foothill and park out car there. Everyone get their headlamp ready and the journey is going to start!

Tada! cute right? lol

Me, suyan & jaycee

So, we start our journey with a slightly sloppy hill where it is quite tough for people who doesnt really exercise much! Then jaycee, due to her leg injury, she was left far behind, so only me and suyan walk up together only. after an hour and half, we come to a place call LULU the river LOL and we have to cross come river to continue our journey.

I was quite enjoying because of the weather and of course, walking and spending time with her is really fun *shy*. Along the road, there is no toilet and no food store. I have only settle off my pee pee some where on the plant! And luckily we have brought some food that give us energy!

After few kilometers of hike, we reach Kem Pacat, where hikers can stop and rest for awhile before going up to the peak of Nuang. There are lot of bees flying around, and some bees landed on Suyen's hand and her look is so afraid, I can only keep shoo-ing the bees away so that she wont get sting by the bees.

This is what we call extreme challenge after the Kem Pacat, the road is rocky and dangerous, and also slippery without a good hiking shoes. Both of us taking pic like we are lying down on the ground and take the pic because it is too steep, The feeling for me is like we are doing rock climbing without any safety rope and we have to risk ourself to go up to the peak. The only way is to help each other when going up and also going down. Another 1 and half hour of climbing up after kem pacat, we reached a lower peak called puncak pengasih!

In order to reach the real peak of Nuang, from here we need another 1.5 hour. Due to time constraint, we decided to go back down as weather is getting dark and it look like its gonna rain!

So we try to move as fast as we could to go down, but unfortunately, God really decided to splash some water on us and treat us some teh tarik in the mountain T_T

Look at her, she looks cute in raincoat isnt it?

This is our way back to the bottom, shoes get into all the holes and get dirty, fell down several times and "mud skating" for few times.

"TEH(siok yen) tarik" waterfall LOL

While walking down, i can see that suyen condition is not good, her face is pale and im getting very worried as well. My mind keep thinking what is the fastest way to get down to the hill, should i piggyback her or just carry her like how i carry weight in gym. I tried to talk to her, ask her to eat some food, she looks better so we try to walk slightly faster (actually cant be fast, our foot is like sotong that soft and tired!)

We get lost in the lulu river for maybe 10minutes because there is no sign board to show us which way to back to the starting point, we try to relax and look around and finally we see people and we feel relieve that we get to the right way. After 11hours of 24km hiking, it is really really really struggling when coming down from the top of the hill, and i could say it is the best experience i ever had!

double clap clap clap for her because she can do it together with me in her condition like that!

The skin colour get different because of the foot get soak in the shoe with wet socks for 11hours!

I would definitely try another time to reach the peak! I heard that this mountain is tougher than mount KK! I feel proud of myself as well! Wee!!!

Its a dream or what?

Around starting of September in 2013, my wisdom tooth try to be bad to me. And I have to do a minor surgery to take it out, and everything just happen like a blink of eye. I get it done, post up pictures about my swollen face like normal people do, and a girl that is from my secondary school (which we never really talk much since last time) comment on the photo i posted up. Since then, we started to talk a lot, and text each other everyday like cant live without each other lol. Time passes, along the time, we sent sweet messages to each other, hang out few times and buy gifts to each other. Slowly, we got feeling towards each other. But, there are some barriers in between, so I should have say this thing doesnt come in the right time, we are struggling whether we should start the relationship or not. As it might be too fast to be together because we both dont know each other that well, and afraid that it is a wrong start.

So, do you think that, both person should start without knowing each other well, or just get into the relationship, and start knowing each other?

For me, my previous 4 years relationship, which is the longest relationship i ever in, I get into the relationship without really knowing her well. Yeah, we met online, and it is quite a fashion that people meeting online, and start dating each other out. So, in the 4 years, I found out there are something I'm really looking for in her, she doesnt has it. I tried so hard to change myself to try to get along better for both of us, but it fail. I feel that I dont really have power in the relationship, its like everything I have to let her win and "okay okay" for everything she wanted to do. So in the end, i put too much trust on her, and it is a wrong move...this is how it ended. Should I blame myself for doing that? It is a question for myself in the past few months, she is now with a guy and I can see they are happy and so.

So yeah, after 9 months of time that I took to recover myself, I finally found this year that I have mentioned just now. I thought that she will be the right one, the process is like very fast and in the rush. We went movie, some exercise, sports, try some restaurants that we both never try before. Even it is just a short period of time, it really stuck and stay in my head so strong and I really think about it every day and night. About a month plus near to 2 months of the process, we talked about it and we get together. But, after few days she told me that she felt it is not right and lot of drama i feel, and we were off....Im so stunned and I really dont know what can i do, its like i just woke up from my sleep and everything just gone again...

Everyday I have the same question running around my mind, " should I stop contacting her or should I dont give up so easily". Seriously, it just keep running running and running in my mind. Until today, its still the same. I really dont know what is best for me to do....As I'm a person that dont give up a thing so easily, I hope what im doing now, its not a wrong move for me...

A brief summary throughout this year of mine.

Since this is my first time blogging, I'm not really know where should i start from. *and please don't laugh at my grammar as I'm not an English expert, and my blog might look stupid to you.

Lets get started....

I would like to start with after I have graduated from my degree in Commerce, I never really have a good holiday and I straight away go to hunt for job in order for me to fill up my time to forget what had happen on me in my 4 years relationship with my ex girlfriend. Yeah, we have broke up in the beginning of this year and I really took so much time to recover and stand back up. That 4 years really meant a lot to me. *I won't really talk much about that in here*. So I went for some interviews, and I just give it a try to my current company as it is quite near to my house and I'm quite happy to work there as well, friendly colleagues that I get to laugh and talk around with them while working.

As the beginning of this year, I really feel very down, one of it is about my love, and I don't know who can I share it with, my brother is away from home for around 5 months to work in outstation, no gym partner...So yeah, I hit the gym very hard every day, and I get few injuries within this year as well. So yeah, after a month plus, Chinese New Years is here! Tan family made a trip to Langkawi to have a visit to my brother. I just drink as much as I can because the beer and liquor are cheap there, well its kinda childish to make myself drunk when I'm sad right? duuhhhhhh....

When everything is settling down, and this happen again. I have a lovely grandpa that love me really a lot since I was young, he is deaf, can't really see properly, and it frustrated him since he feels everyone doesnt really care about him so much. Me and my family get to visit him once a week because he staying with my uncle, and he loves to talk a lot with me. I tried my very best to talk to him even though I'm so tired, help him to cut fingernails, massage for him, and give him a cigarette if he ask for it. His condition is getting worst day by day, and I already know that he couldn't last any longer as he is taking lesser and lesser each meal and he says he doesn't feel hungry. Until a day while I'm working, around 4pm+, I get 2 missed call from my aunty, and I know that its not a good sign. My dad give me a call and ask me come back home, my tears roll down when I'm leaving office. Yeh Yeh, I miss you a lot even if you are not here anymore...remember how you used to call me, buy me candy, snacks, and give me coins that you collect slowly (even you are not working) because you afraid that I have not enough pocket money to spend. I love you yeh yeh <3

This pic is taken few years back when he still able to walk so fast and talk so loud! =P

There are many bad things that happen on me this year until I cant really remember all of them, but it is over, I hope there will be a better tomorrow and live life to the max! =l